That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
