omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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