Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
