He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
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