she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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