Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
I'm jealous of your bromance
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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