Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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