I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
