Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
