A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
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