I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
