I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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