a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
