A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
