evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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