True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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