You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize