I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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