I just made out with a guy for $7.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
