mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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