turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
