shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
