Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Randomize
