I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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