the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
