I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
