I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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