I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Randomize
