She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
i now understand why vodka
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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