Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
This is classic penis vs brain.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
