I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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