Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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