? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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