I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
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Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
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Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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