you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Randomize
