Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
