If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Randomize
