Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
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