Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
