3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
farters have to be the big spoon...
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
