those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Randomize
