my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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