just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
