Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
