Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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