Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it glows. i had to have it.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Randomize
