Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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