She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize