once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
