I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Randomize
