I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
high people should be assigned attendants
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
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