The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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