Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
