We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
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We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
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He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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