I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
whose parrot is this?
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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