Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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