I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
