she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
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