So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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