I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
I supernannyed him into submission
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
