I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
