um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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